What is the difference between guilt & shame?

A common issue that many experience in therapy is navigating guilt and shame in their lives. Chronic shame can be truly debilitating and impactful to so many areas of our lives- including the relationship we have with ourselves and others. Many struggle to define the difference between guilt and shame- Can you detect the difference between shame and guilt in your life?

Shame says, you’re not worthy to be in relationship with others, whereas guilt is an invitation back into right relationship. In our heads Shame can sound like, “I am a mistake” and guilt sounds like, “I made a mistake.” Did you hear the difference there?! Shame demeans the self, whereas guilt often looks to acknowledge and correct a behaviour. Shame festers and erodes us, whereas guilt moves us towards our values and right relationships.  Shame thrives in the dark. So, when we start to identify shame in our lives, and invite others into those places, we move shame out of the dark and into the light.  This is how therapy can be so effective in looking at Shame as we can start to examine these thoughts and feelings and find new ways to see ourselves. Shame begins to lose its grip when we allow ourselves to be fully seen. We have several therapists at our office that focus on working with shame in therapy, you can review our fraser valley therapist listings here.